Until death do us part
by boredtotearstoday
Summary: J2 fic. Jensen and Jared lead two different lives, and they come to meet each other under unlikely circumstances. They may be the only ones able to help the other, if it isn't too late. Not slash fiction.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, even though I'd like to. Ad the story line is purely fictitious. _

_**Jensen's P.O.V**_

I'm standing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, with the razor in my hand. I keep trying to think of all the things that have led me to this point, but I'm drawing a blank. All that keeps running through my head is I need to relieve the pain. I've been so depressed for the past few months, and nothing can bring me back. Nine out of ten times, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the truth would be death, and the different ways of dying. I can't stand feeling like this and bringing my loved ones down with me. The only reason I hadn't done anything about it yet was because I was too weak to end it.

I brought the razor to my wrist, pressing it hard against my skin, drawing blood. I was just about to drag it upwards when I heard Danneel. "Hey babe, Sophia just called. She wants to have dinner tonight." She called from the bedroom. At the sound of her voice, I lost the nerve I had a moment ago and I dropped the razor.

"Sounds good. I'm gonna jump in the shower." I called back. I grabbed some tissue and pressed it to the small cut on my wrist, stopping the blood, then reached past the shower curtain and turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. I quickly shed my clothes and got in the shower. I let the hot water run down my body, soothing me, while I tried to mentally prepare myself for tonight with Danni and her friend from work.

Danneel and I have been married for a couple of years now, but I've known her since we were kids. She has struggled through depression and multiple eating disorders. I was there for her through all of that, and for the past few years she's gotten past all of that and has been doing a lot better. This is why I haven't told her about how I've been feeling. I'm supposed to stay strong for her in case any of the old feelings come back; I have to be her rock.

I finished washing my body and rinsed the soap off, then quickly dried off, wrapping a towel around my waist. I walked into the bedroom and Danni was sitting on the bed, she had her hands clasped together in her lap and she was looking at me. The way her eyes were on me right as I had opened the door worried me. "What's going on?" I asked her, while I walked to grab some clothes out of our closet.

"Jen, are you okay?" She asked quietly. I turned back to her and she was still looking at me.

"Of course I'm okay, Danni." I had a feeling that this wasn't going to be the end of this conversation.

"You know what I've gone through, you've been there through all of it, and I've got to say, a lot of how you're acting lately is how I used to be. Why don't you talk to me Jen? I'm here for you, just like you're here for me." I quickly threw on some boxers and a pair of pants and walked over to her and put her hand in mine. I went to say something to reassure her that nothing was wrong but she stopped me before I could say anything. "Don't lie to me Jensen."

"I've had a hard couple of months, but I'll be okay." I said, looking down at our hands. I didn't dare say anything else in the fear that I would either confess how suicidal I have been or I'd tell her a bold faced lie, and I couldn't do either, so I just stopped there. I raised my head to look at her face. I kissed her forehead. "You should start getting ready, Dan."

She kissed me back, on my cheek, and stood up. She stared down at me, and smiled. "Okay, but I'm watching you, Ackles." I smiled back and nodded to her, as she walked to the closet.

I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes. I know I should tell Danneel. She is the one person I know that could help me through this, and I wouldn't feel judged. I know she would help me and she would completely understand. If I could tell anyone, it would be her and she would stay by my side the whole time until I felt better. I know that Danni is the one person I could tell, but I just can't do it.

"Did you get any writing done today?" She called from the closet.

I sighed heavily. "I wrote a bit, not nearly as much as I should have, though. My editor will be calling within the next few days asking for the fives chapters I was supposed to have done, to stay on schedule, and she'll be pissed." I'm writing my third murder mystery/ sci-fi novel, under a pseudonym, but this one hasn't been going as smoothly as the other two had. I find myself constantly losing interest in the characters and the plot line, and then distracting myself from it, hence me not having as much written as I should by this point. Thinking about this book makes me want to shoot myself.

"Aww, babe, just keep at it, or maybe you should take a break from it and clear your head. The more you think about it, the more blocked you get. I'll help you brainstorm if you want, I don't know how much help I'll be though, but I'll try." She called back.

She would have actually been a lot of help in brain storming with me. We had taken a creative writing class in college, together, and she did a lot better than I did, but she didn't enjoy it as much as I did, so she decided to change her major, about five times, actually. She ended up becoming a dental assistant. "I may just take you up on that. How was your day?"

She sighed even louder than I did. "Today, I had to deal with about four different kids who were too scared to even get x-rays of their teeth, let alone get any work done. They cried and screamed like I was trying to kill them when I brought the mouth guards out. And their parents were no help at all. It was just a long day."

I got up off of the bed and walked over to the closet and reached for one of my shirts but she swatted my hand away. She handed me a different button up shirt, without even looking at me, she was focused on two dresses in front of her. I didn't even protest to her deciding on my wardrobe. She'd been doing this for years, I was used to it. I just smiled, walking away. "Just put the blue dress on. You don't like the green one, nearly as much." I called back to her.

She laughed. "No, you don't like the green one."

She's right. I don't know much about fashion but I thought Danni looked good in everything. The blue dress showed off her body whereas the green one didn't. "Either way." I laughed, putting my shirt on.

About a minute later she walked out of the closet in the blue dress, smiling at me. We both finished getting ready, and left for the night. I had put the near suicide attempt out of my mind, in the hopes of having a good night with Danni and her friend.

_**Jared's P.O.V**_

"Jared?" I heard Genevieve, my fiancée, calling me. "Jare, are you home?" she called out again. I heard her, but I couldn't answer her.

I wanted to respond, but I physically couldn't. About half an hour earlier I had taken a mixture of about ten different types of pills, I'm not sure how many of each. I was sure it would be enough. I want to end my life, but I didn't want it to hurt. I've always wanted to go peacefully, so I figured that pills would be my best bet. They left me in a semi paralyzed state. I was slipping in and out of consciousness, black was surrounding everything, and it was difficult to keep my eyes open, but they wouldn't fully close either.

I have been thinking about doing this for about a year now, every day the thought ran through my head. This morning, I finally got the guts to do it. Gen wouldn't be home for a few more days because she was visiting family, so she wouldn't catch me doing this and try to stop me. She knew that I had thought about suicide. We had talked about it, and she wanted me to get help, but I had blown it off and told her that I would get passed it. Little did I know that this feeling would only grow with each passing day.

She walked into the bedroom and found me sprawled out on the bed. She walked over to the night stand that had a note I had left her. She didn't look at the note though. Her eyes were on me the whole time. He face went extremely pale. "Jared?" she said in almost a whisper.

My half opened eyes had followed her as she walked across the room, over to me. It took everything I had to make any sound. What I wanted to come out at "I love you" came out as a very short mumble.

My eyes finally shut, and I couldn't open them anymore. I could still hear Gen though. She was now frantic. "Jared! No, no, no, no Jared, wake up! Hello? I need an ambulance here now. My fiancée overdosed on pills. Jared, open your eyes! Baby, please. I don't know when, I just got home and found him like this, and the empty bottles are beside him. Come on, baby, wake up." She was going back and forth, from giving 911 the information to pleading me to wake up. The last thing I remember is her beginning to give them the address to our house.

When I woke up, the room was really bright and it caused me to close my eyes to avoid the light. I slowly opened them again, and realized I was in the hospital. My head was turned to the side, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Gen. She was sitting in a chair next to my bed reading the letter that I had left her. It took me a while to realize that she was crying, because she hadn't made any sound. She had just allowed the tears to flow, as she read the letter.

_Genevieve,  
>There is no one in this world that I love more than you. I would have loved nothing more than to walk down the aisle with you, and be able to call you my wife. But the person I've become, the person I've been for this past year, is someone that can't give you the love you deserve. I want to give you the world, and make you smile every day, but I can't even make myself smile anymore. I been hurting a lot, baby, and I know that the longer I feel like this, the worse it's going to be for you. I can't do it anymore. I can't wake up and only think about dying, Gen, I can't. It hurts so much to walk around every day and constantly see new possible ways to kill myself, and go into a deep thought on how it would work out, and then turn around and try to act like everything is okay. I just want it to be over. I want you to be happy, and you can't be happy with me, baby, not completely. I know you love me, and I want you to know that I love you more than anything, but I can't make you happy and I don't want you to end up feeling like this. Remember me how I was before this past year, when I was able to show you just how much I love you. Remember the nights that we would stay up until the sun rose, just laughing about everything, the rainy days that we'd spend playing video games, the days that we went to the shelter and got our dogs, when I proposed to you. Remember the good times, the times I made you as happy as you made me. I want you to be happy again, and you can be happy without me, beautiful. I'm sorry.<br>I've loved you always, J. _

"Hey beautiful," I said. It came out scratchy and weak, but she looked up, and began to sob. She walked over to the bed and hugged me tightly.

"You asshole, I thought I lost you. I was so scared." She was sobbing. I sat up and pulled her closer to me, and let her cry. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, baby." I said into her hair. And I was sorry. Not for trying to end my life, because I don't regret that, although I would have preferred it gone right, but I was sorry that she had to walk in to that. In my plans, someone else would find my body.

"Baby, you do make me happy. You make me happier than anyone else could. I need you to get better, baby. I need you to feel better. I want you to be happy." She was crying even harder.

I knew I was going to have to get help, not for me, but for her. I'd do anything for her. "I know, Gen."

_**Jensen's P.O.V**_

Dinner went horribly. We went out to meet Danni's friend Sophia, and her fiancée, Chad. Somehow the conversation got turned to the topic of depression, and how it's handled now a days as opposed to how it was never really mentioned when we were young. Chad went on to say that he doesn't believe that depression is a medical condition or even real. In his words, "People just need to justify being lazy and not get shit done, so they day they're 'depressed.' Everyone feels sad sometimes, that doesn't make anyone special. Get the fuck over yourself, you know." Danneel looked like she was going to cry, and I was on the verge as well. That was the same way her parents had reacted when the doctor said she suffered from depression and would have to take medication for it. They refused to get the meds because it was just enabling her. We quickly tried to change the subject, but not before Chad had said, "I think, if someone wants to kill themselves that bad, let them do it. Life is for the living, not for the 'depressed,' right?" He had said it, with a laugh, to me, and I don't think the girls heard him, because they began talking about work and their upcoming vacations.

What Chad said to me replayed in my head over and over and all I could think of was that blade waiting for me when I got home. We finished dinner and parted ways. I'd be happy if I never saw Chad again. When Danni and I got in the car, I finally asked her, "Hey, are you okay, babe?"

She closed her eye, leaned her head back, and sighed. "He's a really nice guy, but he can be a dick sometimes. Yeah, I'm fine Jen. I just want to get home."

I reached over and squeezed her hand, before starting the car. "I couldn't agree more." We drove home in silence, and when we got to the house Danni changed and went to bed. I told her I was going to stay up and watch tv for a bit first. I kissed her goodnight and told her I loved her, for what I figured would be the last time. I sat on the couch in the living room for an hour, to make sure she fell asleep.

I went up to the bathroom connected to our room, where I keep my razor. I took it out and stared at it. I was ready to do this. Then I heard Danni's loud snoring from the bedroom and I nearly started to cry. I want to do this, I am ready to end my life, but I can't just kill myself without leaving her something. I crept out into the room and grabbed some paper and a pen, then went back into the bathroom. I began writing, not fully knowing what I was wanted to say.

_Danni,  
>Hey sweetheart. I know life has been hard, and although I try to help, I know I don't always make it easier. This is one of the times where I'm not making it easier on you, and I am sorry. I need you to stay strong like you've always been. You've always been the person I could count on and turn to. You're the type of person who can take care of themselves, and I need you to keep being that amazing person, my love. I know there have been times in the past where things have been hard for you, and you didn't know if you could make it through. But you did, babe, and you always will. I am so proud of you for overcoming so many things, and I don't know if I had ever told you that before. You are my best friend, and the love of my life. I'm sorry that I'm not as strong as you are, Danni. I'm sorry that I can't be that strong, but you need to keep it together and hold on to that strength that I know you have. Life has a lot to offer someone as wonderful as you, and maybe without me holding you back, you can receive all of that. I've loved you since we were little kids, and with each passing day that love has grown even more. I know this is going to hurt you, and I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'll always be with you, in your memories, in your dreams, and in your heart.<br>Goodbye, baby. -Jen_

I just needed to tell her how much I love her. I crept out of the bathroom one last time to set the letter on the nightstand next to our bed, and bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

I went back to the bathroom and turned the shower on, to drown out any noise I might make. I grabbed the razor and placed the tip of it at the small cut I had made earlier. I put pressure on it, and pulled it upward a couple of inches. There was a lot of blood. I quickly put the blade in my other hand and did the same thing on the opposite wrist. I heard Danni's sleepy voice. "Jen, are you taking a shower? I'm coming in, I have to pee."

I got very lightheaded and dizzy, then fell to the ground, before I could say anything in response. Right before everything faded into blackness, I heard a scream.

* * *

><p><strong>Review and let me know what you think.<br>I will add at least one more chapter to this, and it will probably be a little longer.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Jensen's P.O.V**_

When I woke up, there was a little blonde woman at my side. When she looked down and saw me looking at her, she smiled at me.

"Nice to finally see you awake, Mr. Ackles. You had everyone really worried." She had a soft voice and it made me relax, just a little bit. "Your wife just stepped out. When I'm done here, I'll let her know that you're awake."

I nodded my head, and smiled back at her. "Thanks." She went back to what she was doing, and I felt a sting and jerked my arm back a little.

"Sorry. I know, it stings just a bit. I'll be done soon." She said, grabbing my arm and placing it where it was before. I looked down and she was changing the bandages on my arms, which explained why Danni had left the room, she can't look at any kind of wound without getting sick. She put some ointment on, and then wrapped my arm in gauze. When she finished, she looked up to me and smiled again. "I'm your main nurse Mr. Ackles, so if you have any discomfort, just call and let me know. If not, I'll be back tonight to change your bandages again. If for any reason, I'm not on call, there might be one other nurse that will be here to help you." She turned and started to walk out of the room.

"Uhm," I said to get her attention. She turned around. "You can call me Jensen, and I didn't catch your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Alona." She smiled once more then turned around and opened the door. "Danneel, I'm done, you can go back in now. Oh, and before I forget, he's awake." She had said it with a big smile on her face. I sat up in the bed so I wasn't lying down anymore.

"Thanks Alona." I heard Danneel say, then Alona walked away and Danni walked in. She came and stood next to the bed. She grabbed my hand in both of hers then let the fingers of one of her hands run up my arm, touching the bandages around my healing wound. "Jen," She said it soft. If I hadn't been looking at her, I would have thought she was crying, from how shaky her voice sounded, but there were no tears falling from her eyes. I stared at her face though. Her eyes were sunken in, with dark circles around them.

"I'm sorry, Danni." I said. It was all I could say. I knew she deserved more than that, but I didn't know how to give that to her.

"I told you I'd be there for you, Jen. Damn it, I knew I should have brought it up sooner, but I know how it feels and the last thing you would need is me talking about it before you're ready to, but I didn't think it would come to this. If I'd known you would try this, I would have talked to you sooner, and I wouldn't have just let you blow it off so easily. I would have pressed the issue. I can't lose you, Jen, I know it sounds selfish, but I don't care, I cannot lose you." I let her get it all off of her chest, and about half way through her rant, she began to cry, and by the end she was sobbing. I grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed and held her tight to me. She kept crying and repeating, "I can't lose you." I began to rock side to side in the hopes of comforting her.

"Danni, it's okay. Shhh, baby, I'm okay."

She lifted her head from my chest to glare at me behind her tears. "No, you're not. You just tried to kill yourself, Jensen. You may be alive, and thank God for that, but you're not okay." She was still crying and it wasn't easy to understand what she was saying, but I've been through a ton of these crying fits she's had, and I've gotten accustomed to her talking throughout.

"You're right, I'm not okay, but I am here and that's a start, right?" I hugged her to me once again. "I'll get through this."

"We'll get through this, both of us. Jensen, I am here for you. You can't act like you have it all together when you don't, not in front of me. Do you even realize how much we've been through together? You've seen me at my absolute worst, when I was in and out of hospitals, when I was on the edge, through all of it; don't think for a second that I won't be here for you. I am always here, Jensen, forever, okay?" She didn't glare at me this time; she didn't even lift her head. She just snuggled into my chest and spoke calmly, trying to control her voice.

I was quiet for a while, allowing everything she said to me sink in. Finally I just simply said, "Okay."

"Okay." She repeated.

And with that the subject was dropped, for the moment. I knew we would talk more about it later, but now wasn't the time. "How long have I been in here?"

She spoke softly against me, still not moving. "Uhm, for about five days. You lost a lot of blood, so they did some blood transfusions. They said you could have been awake earlier, but they put you into a medically induced coma to make it easier, I guess. You were supposed to wake up yesterday, though. So, this passed day was the hardest, because we didn't know when you were going to decide to wake up."

"And when's the last time you actually slept?"

"Oh, uh, I fell asleep for a few minutes this morning. It's been kind of hard to sleep around here." Then she yawned.

"Baby, go to sleep. I'm back now, so get some sleep." I whispered to her. She mumbled something that I didn't understand, and then all I heard was the steady rhythm of her breathing, for a few minutes until she started snoring. "I love you, Danni, and I'm not going to leave you again." And finally, I was able to let the tears go, tears I didn't know I had been holding back.

I didn't remember falling asleep, but I was woken up by Danneel getting out of the bed. I pulled her back to me. She laughed. "Jen, your nurse needs to change the bandages before she goes home for the night. I'll be right back when she's done." She kissed my cheek and got out of the bed. I sat up and watched her leave the room. I was expecting to see Alona, the blonde nurse, but in her place was an equally small, brunette woman. She looked very tired, like she'd had a long shift, and hadn't been getting much sleep when she was off of work either.

She smiled at me, when she walked over to the side of the bed and gently grabbed my arm. "Hello, Mr. Ackles." She began to unwrap the gauze on the left arm.

"Hi. You can just call me Jensen." I smiled, and then winced when she ran a cloth over the cut on my arm.

"Okay, then. I'm Genevieve, but you can call me Gen." She looked up and smiled at me, then went back to work on my arm. She was much gentler than Alona was earlier, which I appreciated.

She looked up to my face again, this time she had a hurt look in her eyes. "Is everything okay?" I asked her.

She shook her head slightly. "I was just wondering, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, what made you do something like this?" I was confused, not by the question, but by the tears in her eyes.

"Uh, a lot of things, I guess. I've been in a lot of pain for a while, and at the time, I thought this was a way to get away from it." I answered honestly. "Are you alright?" I asked. The tears had subsided, but she still looked very sad.

"Yeah, it's just," she stopped, and it seemed like she was deciding whether she should tell me what she was going to say, or not. "It's just that my fiancée recently did something similar. I've just been trying to understand." She finally said and then went back to cleaning the cut on my arm. She quickly finished, put some ointment on it then wrapped it up.

As she was moving to the other side of the bed to do my right arm, I asked her, "Did he make it?"

"Yeah, we were able to save him" She said as she unwrapped the second bandage.

"Good. And just so you know, sometimes it isn't something you can understand or even begin to. The important thing is to be there with him no matter what, and hope that you both and get passed it. So, don't spend so much time worrying yourself on the why, right now. Focus on how you can get through all of this. I'm telling you, that is the most important thing right now, to keep you both sane. But you'll be okay." She looked back up to my face and smiled.

"Thank you, Jensen." She wrapped the piece of cloth around my arm.

As she stood up to leave, Alona came into the room. "Gen, I told you that you could go. I know you're dealing with a lot at home."

"It's fine. I know you're swamped here without my help, so I changed Jensen's bandages really quick before I go. It was no problem. I'll see you tomorrow, Alona." She turned back. "Bye, Jensen. And thanks again."

"Good bye. No problem. Thank you." I said, holding up my arms gesturing to the bandages. She smiled, turned around and walked away.

Alona walked all the way into the room, followed by Danni. "Well, since your bandages have already been changed, I'm just here to let you know that you're going to be discharged tomorrow. Either nurse Gen or myself will come here and show you how to change your bandages and then you will be able to sign out. But, it is law that with attempted suicides you have to be admitted into the psych ward for at least seventy two hours. There, you will get therapy and there will also be group discussions." She turned to Danni, "You will be able to visit him there, during designated hours which they will inform you on." Then she turned back to me, "Like I said you will be there for a minimum of seventy two hours, the doctor can recommend you stay longer or transfer to another facility, but it is usually up to you at that point." She smiled at both Danni and I and then turned and left the room.

_**Jared's P.O.V**_

Gen came in the room, still in uniform. "Hey babe, sorry I had an extra patient today whose bandages I had to change."

"Oh, sounds sexy." I winked at her then laughed.

"Ha, ha, you're hilarious. How're you doing?" She asked, closing the door to the room, and then grabbing he clothes out of her bag to change.

"The nurse came in and told me that I was getting released to the psych ward tomorrow, so I'm peachy." I said as she opened the door back up and came to sit beside the bed.

She grabbed my hand. "It's going to be good for you. Maybe that'll help us figure out where to go and what to do to help you through this."

We spent a few hours just talking before Gen finally fell asleep. She hasn't been sleeping much; she's either watching over me or working. I just laid there for a while thinking over how the next day was going to be like in the psych ward. I fell asleep with thoughts and worries swimming around in my head.

"Morning handsome," Gen said, waking me up. "My shift starts in about five minutes, so I've got to go, but one of your nurses will be here in a little bit and take you where you need to be. I will come visit you on brake." She walked over to me and kissed me. "I love you. Gotta go, bye." Then she rushed out of the room.

"Love you too," I called out to her.

Not too long after Gen darted out of here Katie, my nurse and one of Gen's friends, came in. "Hey Jare, how're you doing today?" She walked over and hugged me before handing me some papers I had to sign.

"Oh, I'm fine. How's work going?" I asked, while I went through the papers and signed everywhere that was marked.

"Just the usual. Sick old people, sick young people, a few stitches here, a few shots there. Not much changes around here." She smiled as she took the papers from me, going through and making sure I signed all of the spaces. "Okay, you ready?"

"I guess I have to be," I smiled at her, trying to hide my nerves. I didn't really know what to expect. All I know about the psych ward is what they show in the movies, so I'm just hoping for the best.

"Come on." She began to walk out of the room and motioned for me to follow her. We walked in silence to the wing of the hospital that has the psych ward. We walked through a couple of sets of double doors that had to be opened by the guard on shift. It was a little bit freaky, but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I relaxed a little bit and calmed myself down.

Katie helped me check in at the front desk then she hugged me and left.

A man walked up to me as I stood awkwardly by the front desk, and extended his hand to me. "Hi, I'm Misha."

I shook his hand, "Jared."

"I'm here to show you around, if you'd like." He said, looking up at me. He wasn't short, but shorter than me.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate that, thanks."

We were about to go on a tour of the place when another man walked in. He was tall with short hair and hand bandages going up both of his arms. "Do you mind if we wait for him to be done checking in, so we can kill two birds with one stone?"

"Sure." I replied, and we waited just a couple of minutes, as he signed the same papers I did, and stood there awkwardly just as I had a minute ago. He saw Misha and I looking over his way and he nodded his head with a smile; a silent hello.

We walked over to him, and Misha greeted him, just as he had greeted me. The man reached out his hand and shook Misha's. "I'm Jensen."

"And this is Jared," He gestured towards me and Jensen and I shook hands. "I was just about to show Jared around, would you like to come along and see where everything is?"

"Yeah, that'd be awesome." He said. There was a tiny hint of an accent in his voice.

As we started walking I asked him, "Hey, are you from Texas?"

He looked at me and smiled, "Yeah, Dallas. You too?"

"Awesome. Yeah, San Antonio."

He showed us where the bathrooms were, the tiny cafeteria, and the rec room. We walked to a hall with a few different doors. "Here is where we have group therapy. You both will be in the same group and I will be leading those discussions. They'll meet here in room 4 at three every day. You guys will most likely only be here for about three days, but we have a routine here for the patients who are here longer, and if you don't go to the therapy sessions, both group and the one on ones, you will definitely end up staying here longer," He paused, "they already explained this to you, right?" Jensen and I both nodded to him, "Good. I hate going into the 'whys' on the tour." We turned the corner and there was one room on the side. "This is where the one on one session with the doctors are. You'll both go in today and then on the third day."

We turned back around and went to a hallway on the other rise of the cafeteria. This one was much longer than the other hallway. "And this is where the rooms are. He took us all the way to the end and then turned. About halfway down the second hallway he stopped and took out his keys. "You boys will be rooming together, here." We all walked into the little room. There were some clothes folded on the beds. "We have the patients here wear the same thing, and we put the average size out on the beds and make changes if necessary." I looked over to Jensen, who had picked up the clothes from the bed and unfolded them, holding them against his body. I had to laugh because there was no way those clothes were going to fit him. They looked like children's clothes next to him, I could only begin to imagine how they would look if I held them up to me. "Seeing as both of you are over grown, why don't we go get you guys the right sizes?"

After we went and got our clothes and changed into them, Jensen and I both hung out in our room until it was time to go to therapy. "So what got you in here?" I asked him.

"I slit my wrists." He said holding up his arms.

I winced. "Across the street, or down the road?" I asked.

For a second I wondered if he'd get offended and not answer me, but he winced too and then laughed, "Down the road. It hurt like a bitch, too. What about you?"

"OD'd on pills." I answered with a shrug. I guess it was easier talking to someone who was going through the same thing.

"Sounds like a smarter way than mine." He said.

"I guess, but somehow both of us ended up here, so," I trailed off.

We were both quiet for a while, we had both laid back on our beds with our hands behind our heads. "Do you regret it?" He asked quietly. I looked over at him and he was staring at me.

I thought about it for a while. "Yeah, I guess. How I felt hasn't changed, but the look on her face when I woke up here made me regret acting on it. I never want to hurt her like that." I answered finally.

"Your wife?" Jensen asked.

"Soon to be."

"Well, congratulations on that. I know what you mean, though. I'm married. Seeing my wife in here made me wish I would have dealt with it in a better way. She's been hurt so much in her life; I never thought that I would add to that. So I regret it to, if for no other reason, then for her." He was facing me, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes weren't focused on anything in particular, as if his mind was somewhere else.

"Well, we're going to get better, man. And you'll make it up to your wife for scaring the shit out of her, and I'll marry my fiancée and eventually make it up to her. In the end, life will be good." My surprise optimism knocked him out of his trance and he smiled at me.

"I like the way you think." He sat up and looked at the clock on the wall, then stood up. "It's almost two. Wanna go get some food before we have to go to group therapy?"

Almost on cue, my stomach growled. I stood beside him, "I like the way you think too."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so I am going to make this a little bit longer than two short chapters. <strong>

**Hopefully you like where I am going with the story, and the actors from SPN that I've added. **

**It seems like things are starting to go okay for the boys, but before that can happen there may be a few bumps on the way. **

**Review and let me know how you like it, and leave suggestions for who you might want to see pop up later on in the story. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Jensen's P.O.V**_

"Everyone take a seat. We'll start in a few minutes." Misha said as Jared and I walked into the room. There were about eight other people in the room, sitting in chairs talking quietly with each other.

We took the seats closest to Misha, and waited for the remaining people to come in and take their seats. "Since this is your first day, the two of you aren't going to have to talk if you don't want to. You can take today to adjust and see how group works. If at the end either of you feels like talking you will have the opportunity, if not then tomorrow you will get your chance." Misha said to us and then turned his attention to the rest of the group. "Okay, who wants to start this group off?"

"I will." We all looked from Misha, across the room, to a girl shyly raising her hand. She looked as though she couldn't have been older than eighteen.

"Okay, introduce yourself and tell everyone your story, how you got here." Misha said, encouraging the young girl.

She nodded her head, looking only at Misha. "Hi everyone. My name is Erin. I've been here for a couple of weeks now, in three days it will be exactly three weeks, and this is my first time talking here. I'm seventeen and I've attempted suicide three times, all within the past year. The first two times I tried to OD, and this last time I attempted to hang myself." As she said that her hands went involuntarily to her neck, touching the still visible bruises. "All three attempts have been in the past year, this last one was on my seventeenth birthday. I've been on anti-depressants for over three years now, but they don't seem to help. Sometimes I feel better, but I always regress and end up with a razor in my hand. I've suffered from depression since I was around ten, but my parents never acknowledged it, and if I said anything I was called dramatic or ignored. Three years ago was when my mother saw the cuts on my hips and she began to take me seriously and try to get me the help I need. I guess the reason I first tried to end my life was because cutting myself wasn't helping me anymore. It wasn't suppressing the pain like it used to. Everything got to be so much and I just felt like the only way to suppress it was to just end it all, get rid of it. When I woke up in the hospital it was the worst feeling ever." Her eyes were clouded over, filled with tears, but none had fallen yet. Her voice stayed strong, but it wasn't as if she was talking to us, it seemed as though she was telling her story to someone beyond the four walls of this room. "Not because of the physical pain I was in, because after years of scratching and cutting and burning, physical pain is something I was used to, but because I failed at suppressing the pain. This last time was the absolute worst. I had passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain, but I woke up on the floor of my room with some paramedics hovering above me. I had started crying right away because I knew I had failed again. Each time, it just makes me feel like there is nothing I can do to rid myself of this pain." She broke off, and the room was silent for a moment.

I had been watching her so intently, and it felt like I was intruding on such a personal moment. I glanced at Jared and his eyes had welled up with tears, much like the rest of us in the room. He looked at me and shook his head, as if to say, 'I can't believe this.' I just nodded back to him.

"Both of the other times I had been hospitalized after my attempts, I had been released at the seventy two hour mark. This time, I decided to stay longer, and try to allow what they do here to help me. I don't know if anything can, and I don't know if in a few months I'm going to try again, but I need to try something, because what I've been doing hasn't helped. And that's what got me here." She finished and looked around the room, looked in each and everyone's eyes and smiled at us.

I felt the water that had collected in my eyes to fall, and I quickly wiped them away. The room was filled with sighs from the people letting out the breaths that they had held through her story. "Thank you, Erin." Misha said, and the room clapped for her.

_**Jared's P.O.V**_

We proceeded to listen to five other people tell their stories on how they got here and how many times they had tried to commit suicide before, and why they tried it in the first place. Some people talked about their families and others talked about just feeling alone. They told us how they attempted it. One person hadn't tried to kill himself yet, but he admitted himself because he had vivid and frequent thoughts and daydreams about killing himself. It had been too much for him to bare and he didn't want to do it and leave his little sister alone, "I want her to be proud of me, and I need to be here for that to happen," he had said. Everyone's story was pretty emotional, and at the end, Misha had looked to Jensen and me, to see if we wanted to share our stories. Both of us shook our heads.

"Okay, we have a few more minutes. I think I'll share my story with you guys. Some of you have heard it, but a lot of you haven't. It may go a little over our set group time, but would you all like to hear it?" His eyes scanned the room, taking in each of our faces and acknowledging each of our nods, and then he nodded back. "Okay. When I was young, very young, in elementary school, I had a best friend. Her name was Victoria. Our friendship carried on from elementary to junior high. She was my neighbor so it made it very easy for the two of us to stay close. She was the person who understood me and all of my quirks. Not only did she understand them, but she enjoyed them as well. She had my back when anyone picked on me, and vice versa. Basically, she was the female version of me. In high school we started dating. By this time, I was in love with this girl. She was perfect for me in every single way. We dated all throughout high school, and into college. We went to the same college, and everything was perfect." He paused, and looked down at his hands. He had been smiling as he talked about Victoria, but now his smile seemed forced and pained.

"It was winter break of our sophomore year and we were just hanging out back home at our parents houses, meeting up with old friends that had gone away to different schools or just stayed there in town. We were supposed to meet up with some friends for lunch then go to a movie, but she said she had to run some errands for her parents. I told her I'd wait for her, but she said it was a lot, and to just go; that hopefully she'd be able to make it. So I kissed her and left. I went and had a great time with my friends. I had called Victoria a couple of times to see if she was done, but I got no answer. I told the guys she was busy and that we'd all hang out another day. When I got back to my parents' house, Victoria's parents were over, and everyone was in the living room. They were all hugging and crying. I scanned the room looking for Victoria, but she wasn't there. My dad looked up and saw me and shook his head." He paused and shook his head, trying to shake the feelings and the memory from his mind. "I didn't understand what he meant." He said in a whisper. "But then her mom looked up and saw me then walked over to me, trying her hardest to contain the sobs. 'She's gone.' Was all she said before she collapsed into me. I held her tight against me trying to comfort her, while my mind raced trying to comprehend what was happening. Everyone stayed at my house for a few hours, and no one really talked about it, and I was still at a loss as to what had happened. After they had left my mom came, and sat beside me and explained everything. She was hit by a car and died on impact. I must have cried for days. By the time her funeral came around I had no fluids left in my body to cry, all I had were dry sobs. I didn't eat, I didn't do anything. That was the worst feeling I had ever felt, losing her. I tortured myself with home videos and pictures. I stopped talking to people that knew both of us, because it hurt too much. About a month later was the first time I attempted suicide. I drove off of the side of the road into a tree. I was going about ninety miles an hour. The impact knocked me unconscious, and left me with a lot of minor injuries, but it didn't kill me, clearly. I had five other attempts after that. I tried to OD a couple of times, slit my wrists, hang myself, and the last time I tried to 'drink myself to death.' I didn't consider that a suicide attempt, I was just drinking to get the pain away, but I gave myself alcohol poisoning and they hospitalized me. That last time, my family came and pleaded with me. I hadn't thought about how I was affecting them, and it opened my eyes. It didn't ease the pain, but it gave me a reason to try and live, to make an effort that since Victoria had died I hadn't made. So after a while when I had finally managed the pain and dealt with the fact that I wasn't the only one hurting, I took some classes and began working in places to talk to people about this, about depression, loss, and suicide, to try and help people through it like the people who tried to help me through it. And that's how I got here." He finished, and we all clapped for him. People around the room wiped tears from their eyes. "Thank you all. And that concludes today's group. I'll see you tomorrow, same place, same time."

Everyone stood up and left the room. Jensen and I hung back a little bit so we could talk to Misha, but he was talking to Erin, so we both waited. "Wow." Jensen said, looking around the room as the people were leaving.

"Yeah, I know." I don't think either of us knew what to say, it was overwhelming.

We heard someone crying and we both looked over and saw Erin crying and Misha hugging her to calm her down. "I can't believe how young she is." Jensen said in a low voice. He looked both concerned and sad.

"It's crazy. Did you see the bruises?" I asked. I noticed them as she told her story.

"The thick one around her neck? Yeah, it was kind of hard to miss. It's just hard to wrap my head around. She's a kid; she should be out causing trouble for her parents, enjoying life, not trying to end it. It's just…crazy." He said, watching her and Misha.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "I know. It seems wrong."

He just nodded his head. Erin glanced over and saw both of us staring and smiled at us. We awkwardly smiled back and quickly turned so we were facing each other again. "Do you think she noticed how long we were staring?" I whispered, and Jensen shrugged.

He was about to say something when someone beat him to it. "Hi, I'm Erin."

We looked down to the young girl. "Hey, I'm Jensen." He said first, smiling at her.

"I'm Jared," I said with a friendly smile.

"You guys must be freaking out, hearing everyone's stories like that. I know I was when I got here. But, I've got to say, it's easier to listen to other people's stories than to tell your own." She said. She sounded so mature, as if she'd lived such a long life, but she was just a kid.

"Yeah, well it was pretty hard listening, especially to yours." I blurted out.

"it's just that you're so young, and when you smile at everyone it seems like you're filled with so much happiness, then you tell us what you've been through. It's kind of difficult." Jensen explained further. His words were exactly how I felt.

She smiled up at both of us. "Yeah, sometimes it's the people you least expect. Well, good luck here. They're really good, and they really care, enough to make sure you're okay. If this had been the first place I'd been to, maybe things would have been different. Who knows?" She looked around. "But yeah, a friend of mine should be visiting soon, so I'm going to go wait. I'll see you guys around."

"Visiting is soon?" We asked in unison.

"Yeah, it starts in about five minutes. Usually my friend gets here right at the beginning, so, I've got to go." She smiled one last time and turned to walk out of the room.

"Bye," We both called to her.

"Do you want to go wait and see if our visitors come by today?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." I replied, and we both headed over to the tables.

We waited for a while, watching people shuffle in and meet up with the patients. This little woman walked in, a little more shaken then most of the people that had previously walked through the doors; this was her first time here. I saw her walking towards the tables, and then turned my attention back towards the doors, in the hopes of seeing Gen.

"Jen!" I heard, and it made me look around even more for my fiancée. I looked and saw the little woman standing in front of me and Jensen. 'Ohh Jen, Jensen. It makes sense.' I thought to myself.

"Danni," He said, standing up and giving her a tight hug. "Babe, this is Jared, my roommate. This is Danneel, my wife."

She held out her had to shake mine. I stood up and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Danneel."

"You can call me Danni." She said with a smile.

"We're going to go over there and talk." Jensen said pointing to a table across the room. "Are you gonna be okay, or do you want us to wait until your fiancée comes to see you?" He asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No man, I'll be fine." I said.

"Are you sure?" They both said this time.

I laughed a little. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Ya'll go and talk. She's working right now anyway, she might not make it. I don't want to waste your time together. Just go."

Jensen laughed, "Okay, man. I'll see you back in the room then."

"I hope she comes," Danneel said.

"Thanks," I smiled at them, and they walked away.

I sat there for a few minutes, then finally I saw Gen. She locked eyes with me right as she walked through the doors and walked straight to me, without even acknowledging anyone else around her. As she approached the table I was sitting at, I stood up. She grabbed my hands and looked up at me, with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Hey beautiful," I said, leaning down and touching my lips to hers. She leaned into the kiss, but pulled away as it started to get more passionate.

"Not here, Jay." She said, with a coy smile. She pulled completely away from me and walked around the table to sit across from me. I sat down and faced her, grabbing her hand once again. "So, how is it so far?"

"It's good, I guess. We just had group therapy, which was a bit surreal, and now I'm here with you. I think I have to go talk to a therapist a little later, by myself, but so far this place seems alright." I answered.

"Do you think they can help you here?" She asked, her eyes full of hope.

"I don't know Gen. I really hope it can. I haven't been here long enough to see, really." I answered honestly. I didn't want to get either of our hopes up, but when I saw her face fall, I knew that I should have taken the chance.

"You're right. I talked to one of my patients and he's going through something similar. He told me, all we can do it give it some time, and all I can do is be there for you, and I am Jare, I'll always be right here. We just need to give this some time and stay strong." She said, and squeezed my hand.

"Yeah, that's all we can do. I know Gen."

"So how does it work here, do you get a room by yourself or have a roommate, or what?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"We have roommates. Mine is pretty cool. He's a Texas boy, like me." I said with a grin, in a thick southern accent.

She just laughed at that, and it was the first time she really laughed since this whole incident. "Oh well, I'm glad you have something common. It'll make it easier to room with him, that way."

We talked for a little while longer. I asked her how work was going today, and listened to her as she ranted about some of her coworkers she didn't like.

She was about to leave to get some food before she had to back to work when a couple of guys walked up to us, one was very light skinned and the other was fairly tan. "Excuse me, Nurse Gen?" One of the guys said.

She turned around and saw him. "Oh, hey Jake," Gen said in a friendly tone. She turned back to me, "This is my fiancée, Jared. Jare, this is Jake. He's a patient here at the hospital; I've known him for a few months now."

"Yeah, we had group together, right?" I asked. His face seemed familiar, but I wasn't completely sure.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, with Misha," Jake replied with a smile.

"I didn't know you were here." Gen said, her tone going from friendly to concerned.

"Yeah," Jake said, hanging his head a little, "A lot has happened this week. But that story is for another time." He said, making eye contact with her again, with a smile. "I wanted you to meet **my** fiancée. Gen, this is Carlos." He pulled Carlos forward by his arm, as if to show him off.

"Ah, so you finally popped the question?" Gen said to Carlos, her voice had gone back to friendly, and she had a huge smile across her face.

"Took him long enough," Jake muttered and Carlos playfully elbowed him.

Gen laughed. "Well, It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, Gen." Carlos said, shaking her hand.

"Well, I'm going to go spend the last few minutes of visiting time with my _fiancée, _I just wanted you to meet the man you've heard so much about." Jake said, intertwining his fingers with Carlos' and walking away. "See you later." He called back, clinging to the other young man.

We watched them as they walked away. They seemed so happy together. It reminded me of how Gen and I were when we first started going out. We were inseparable. "I'm really happy for Jake. He's been waiting for Carlos to propose to him since I met him." Gen said, as we still looked towards the young couple.

A voice came up over an intercom. "The visiting hour is coming to an end. Five minutes left of this visiting period."

I looked down at Gen. "You'd better go, you're break isn't much longer either and you still haven't had your lunch, babe."

"I know." She sighed, and leaned her body into mine, resting her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to me. I pulled her slightly away so I could lean down and kiss her once more. She parted her lips and kissed me passionately before pulling away, again. "I love you, Jare."

"Love you too, Gen."

With that, she turned and walked away. As she was leaving, she passed by Jake and Carlos. They were both wrapped up in each other's arms, locked at the lips. I couldn't help but smile, because that's exactly how Gen and I had always been. If their love is anything like ours then they hopefully have a long and happy future ahead of them.

I sighed, mentally going through all of mine and Gen's memories. I retreated to my room before everyone had left. I laid down and closed my eyes tight so I could think.

All I could think about was Gen's smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so here's chapter three. <strong>

**How do you like it? I added some original Characters. **

**Review and let me know how you feel about it. **

**Should I start to make it a bit darker in the psych ward? **


	4. Chapter 4

**_Jensen's P.O.V_**

Danni and I didn't really do much talking while she was here. I could tell she didn't want to force me to talk about it yet, and because I wasn't here for that long, I didn't have much to say. We mostly just cuddled up next to each other in one of the corners, and enjoyed each other's company. The one thing we did talk about was my family.

"Should I tell them what happened?" She asked me, the back of her head resting on my chest as we sat there.

I thought about it for a while. "No, I think I should tell them. If they call just tell them I'll call them back, and then let me know. I'll deal with it."

"How do you think they'll react?" She asked. Her voice sounded distant, like she was lost in her thoughts, and this question merely escaped.

"I don't know. I know my mom will cry. But I know they'll be supportive. They were for you all of those years, and I'd like to think they love me as much as they love you." I said causing Danni to snap out of her trance and laugh.

"I don't know, Jen. They do love me a lot." She joked.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, squeezing her tighter.

She pulled at my arms after a few seconds. "I need to breathe, baby." I laughed and loosened my hold on her just enough so she could breathe comfortably, then buried my face in her hair, inhaling her scent. Being close to her like this made me feel comfortable, it made me feel normal. She was the one piece of perfection in my life; I know people say there is no such thing as someone being perfect but to me she was. "It's going to be okay, babe." She said quietly.

After Danni left, I looked around the room to see if Jared was anywhere around, but he wasn't, so I headed back to our room. As I walked down the hall I started thinking about it: Since I've been here, the only people who I've felt comfortable around were Jared and Danni, if she visits. I find it weird because I just met Jared, and normally it takes me a lot longer to get comfortable around people.

When I walked into the room I saw him lying on his bed. I walked over and sat at the end of my bed. "Did she show up?" I asked and his eyes opened as he turned his head to face me.

A small smile crossed his lips, "Yeah, not too long after you and your wife walked away."

"That's good." I said, as I laid back on my bed, relaxing a little bit.

Before I could get too comfortable, I heard someone at the door. "Mr. Ackles?" A small voice rang. I sat up, facing a young woman. I recognized her as the nurse from the front desk.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Hi, doctor Sheppard is waiting for you in his office," She said with a concerned look.

"Uh, doctor Sheppard?" I asked, looking confused.

"No one told you about your individual therapy sessions?" She asked, the concern still in her eyes.

I shook my head slightly. "I was told we would have the sessions, but no one told me the doctors name or when I was supposed to go."

"Oh, I see. That's my fault, one of the nurses is supposed to give you that information when you're checked in, and since I'm the nurse on duty today, that would be my job. Okay, so follow me and I'll give you all of the information you need." She smiled at me, then turned to Jared, "And Mr. Padalecki?" He nodded to her, "I will be back and give you your information as well."

I stood up and followed her out of the room. As we walked through the hall, she flipped through her papers, quickly scanning them looking for the information she needed. "Okay, so Dr. Sheppard will be your therapist, as I have already stated. Your session is right after visiting hour ends, so if you have someone visiting you, I would suggest parting ways a few minutes before so you can get to his office; he doesn't tolerate tardiness, but I will explain to him that it is not your fault today."

She stopped talking as we walked through the rec room. Her eyes were focused on someone across the room, with a weird facial expression. Was that a glare?

As I tried to follow her gaze and see who received the awful look, she began speaking again. "Your session is only half an hour long, and as you may know, Dr. Sheppard is the one who recommends whether you stay here longer or not, although usually after the first seventy two hours it is up to you. Also, tonight I come around with any medication you may need that the doctor prescribes to you." She said, looking up to me, with a friendly smile on her face as we approached the door to his office.

"Okay, Mr. Ackles," She began to say, but I cut her off.

"Jensen; just call me Jensen," I quickly told her.

She nodded her head, he smile not faltering. "Okay, Jensen, I'll go in and explain to him what happened." I nodded my head. My face must have shown how nervous I was about this because the nurse added, "Hey, don't worry. Dr. Sheppard is really good at what he does and he's really very nice. You'll be fine."

She touched her hand to my arm in a comforting manner. I looked down at her and noticed she had a nametag; it read Jordan. I made a mental note to remember that.

She opened the door to the office, "Dr. Sheppard? Mr. Ackles is here. The reason he is late is he wasn't told when or where his session with you was. It won't happen again." She then took a step back and gestured for me to go into the office. She smiled and I smiled right back at her, before she shut the door.

"Please, have a seat," He said in a thick British accent that threw me off slightly.

I walked forward and took the seat across from him at his desk. 'Don't shrinks usually have the long couch that you can lay down on?' I thought as he introduced himself.

"So, Mr. Ackles, is there anything you'd like to talk about?" He asked.

By this point I was getting sick of being called 'Mr. Ackles.' It's too formal. Aren't they supposed to allow you to wind down here and get better? Well, all they're doing is making me crazy. "Jensen is fine," I said and nodded. "Uhm, I don't know what you want to hear about." I said, after a moment of thinking.

"Okay then, would you mind if I asked you some questions?"

"That's what we're here for, right?" I said with a smile.

He smiled, "That is correct. So, would you tell me how you ended up here?"

I knew he already knew why I'm here, they had to have given him the forms I filled out when I came here, but I humored his attempt to get me talking. "I tried killing myself."

"And how did you go about that?"

"I slit my wrists." I said, slightly laughing at how casually we were talking about this.

"How many?" He asked.

"Excuse me?"

"How many cuts did you make?"

"Oh, uh, just two."

"Were these horizontal or vertical?" He asked.

The relevance of the question confused me. "Uh, I'm sorry, but does that make a difference?" I asked, trying not to sound rude, but genuinely curious.

He nodded, "It definitely does. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," He said, making a note on his paper.

I shook my head, "No, its fine, I was just curious; they were both vertical." I said, lifting my arms, gesturing to both of the bandages on my arms.

He made another note on the paper, and then looked at me. "Why?" He asked as his eyes locked with mine. I saw a smile playing on his lips and it made me feel scrutinized.

"I… I don't really know how to answer that." I answered honestly. "There were so many times that I began to do it, but chickened out just leaving myself with a little knick on my arm. This time I didn't chicken out, but I failed." I shrugged.

"Is this the first time you successfully attempted suicide?"

I laughed, "I wouldn't exactly call it a success, but if you mean what it the first time that I full out tried to end my life, yes it was."

"Okay. When was the first time you can remember thinking about suicide?"

I sighed, trying to remember. "I guess it must have been a year ago. I had already been suffering from depression, while trying to repress it and for a while I had been able to keep it under control for a while but it came back with a vengeance and I found myself with a razor blade to my skin."

The next fifteen minutes went the same way. He asked me questions that I just gave him vague answers to because I didn't quite know how to answer them.

Before I left, he added, "I want to be able to help you, but I need to understand what got you to this point, and it looks like you do as well. That's partly my fault, and I'll try better to be more specific when we talk tomorrow." I nodded my head to him and left the room. It was clear he was upset that I didn't answer the questions how he'd hoped.

When I got back to the room, Jared wasn't there. I shut the door and plopped down on my bed. I turned to lay on my stomach, burying my face in the pillow. It'd been a long day, and I just wanted to go to sleep.

**_Jared's P.O.V_**

After Jensen left with the nurse, she came back and showed me what I had to do and where I had to be. My therapy session was right after Jensen's. I saw him leave the office but he didn't see me. I wanted to ask him how the guy was, but he walked by so quickly I just let him go on by.

In the office with Dr. Sheppard, he asked me a lot of vague questions so I gave him short and simple answers that he seemed to be getting annoyed with. About half way through I could see he was visibly frustrated I spoke up, "I'm sorry that my answers aren't what you want to here, but from the way you're asking your questions, I don't know any other way to answer them. Would you like me to actually tell you why I tried offing myself? Is that what you're hinting at? Because, if it is, you should know, its best to be straight forward with me, because if you beat around the bush, so will I, and it doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere doc."

He smiled and the frustration faded from his face, "Okay, so go on. Tell me why you tried to kill yourself."

"It's actually very simple, I guess. Life hurts, a lot. Everything weighs down on me and it got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and I guess I thought that killing myself would be the best way to do ease that pain." I said, simply.

"Do you regret it?" He asked, now interested in what I had to say.

"Yeah, I do," I answered without thinking about it.

"Why?"

"Because it hurt the most important person to me, and I don't want to hurt her." I answered honestly. She was the only reason I regretted it, so why lie?

He went on to tell me that it's good that I regret trying to off myself because that may keep me from trying again, but because I regret it for someone else I may relapse. He went on explaining this to me for a good ten minutes and then I left.

As I walked through the halls to the room, I saw people gathering for dinner. I was going to just go straight to the cafeteria and get food, but as I scanned the room I didn't see Jensen. I started to walk to the room to see if he was there when I heard someone call my name. I looked and I saw Erin standing a few feet away from me with a tray in her hands.

"Hey Jared, why don't you sit and eat dinner with us?" She asked as she nodded her head to her table.

I nodded my head, "Yeah thanks, that'd be cool. I'm just going to go see if Jensen's in the room."

"Okay, we'll save a couple seats for you guys." She replied with a smile and went to sit down.

I made my way to the room and saw Jensen with his face buried in the pillow.

I walked over to his side and shook his shoulder, "Hey. Jensen, wake up. It's time for dinner." I said as her turned his head and looked up to me, struggling to keep his eyes open. "You hungry?" He shook his head and then buried it back into his pillow. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I just don't really feel like being out there, you know?" His voice was muffled through the pillow.

"Jen, you should still probably eat something."

He lifted his head, "It's okay; I'm fine. I won't starve, Jared."

"Do you want me to stay here with you?"

He shook his head, "Never mind, I'm coming with you."

With that he stood up, and we went to the cafeteria, getting our food then sitting at the table with Erin, Jake, and one other person.

Erin introduced everyone around the table, learning the other man's name is Logan. Everyone was friendly; as we ate, we all talked and got to know each other and how we got here. Turns out Jake and Erin knew each other before they both ended up here. We talked about movies to lighten the mood. Jokes were told, laughs were shared, and for a moment it didn't feel like we were a group of people who met because we all tried to kill ourselves, but a group of friends having dinner together.

Jensen didn't talk much during dinner. He wasn't awkward, in fact I think I was the only who realized that he was being quiet, but I noticed nonetheless. After we all finished dinner and our conversation died down, everyone went their separate ways, some to the rec room, the rest to their rooms.

Jensen and I went back to the room. While walking there I decided to ask him, "Hey, are you okay?"

He turned his head slightly to look at me with questioning eyes. "Uh, yeah, why?"

"You weren't talking much back there; I don't know, it just seems like something's on your mind." He shrugged his shoulders, and turned his head to face forward again as we approached our room. "I get it if you don't want to, but if you decide you want to talk about it, I'm here." I said.

He nodded his head, and said with a weak smile, "Thanks man."

He laid back in his bed I saw him picking at the bandage on his arm, and suddenly I felt like something was extremely wrong. The way he was acting, not talking, and avoiding eye contact; that's how I was when I was contemplating suicide. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I made a mental note to watch out for him.

We went out to the rec room for a little while and played cards with Logan, Jake, and Erin for a couple of hours before we all retreated to our rooms for the night.

I couldn't sleep, and I could hear Jensen tossing and turning as well. Neither of us said anything, instead just let our thoughts run wild.

The next day went by like a blur; we woke up, had breakfast with Jake, Logan, and Erin, and we all hung out in the rec room for a few hours before having lunch and heading to group together.

A few people shared, and Misha talked to all of us about depression and all that accompanies it. We all listened attentively, but I noticed Jensen's mind somewhere else.

When the visiting hour approached, we waiting at the same table we waited at last time. This time, Gen came first.

"Gen, this is-" I began to say.

"Jensen, hi, how are you?" She asked, cutting me off.

He smiled to her. "I'm doing okay, thanks. What are you doing- wait. Oh, I see, Jared's your fiancé." He said, looking back and forth between the two of us.

"How do you guys know each other?" I asked, confused.

Gen smiled, and wrapped her arm around my waist. "I was his nurse," she answered simply.

The three of us talked for a few minutes, about how much of a coincidence it was how we all met each other already.

"Well, I'll let you guys have your visiting time together." Jensen said and turned to walk away.

"Jen,"

Jensen and Genevieve both looked at me, "Yeah?" They said in unison and then looked at each other and started laughing.

When the laughter died down, "I'm sorry, **Jensen,** I was just going to say, you can stay with us while you wait for Danneel."

"Yeah, stay and talk," Gen said agreeing with me.

He shook his head, "Its okay. I don't even know if Danni is coming today, I don't want to take up the little bit of time you guys have together. It was really nice seeing you, Gen. Jared; I'll see you after therapy." He smiled, and walked away.

We sat down at the table and talked about things going on at home, about how I should tell my family and how my boss called and she had to explain it to him. We kept the conversation up, but we both kept an eye out for Jensen's wife. We didn't see her.

After I kissed Gen goodbye, I went and waited in the room until with was time for my therapy session. I passed Jensen on the way. "Hey man," I said and he looked up.

"Oh, hey. Going to see Sheppard?"

I nodded. "Did Danneel ever show?"

He shook his head, "No, but she called. There was an accident on the freeway and she couldn't get around it." He shrugged.

"That's LA for you." I said, patting his back.

"Yeah, well, you better get to Sheppard. I'll see you in a bit." I nodded and we both went our separate ways.

The session with Sheppard went differently today. He asked me about my family, not making any mention of the reason I'm here until the very end. "Do they know that you tried to kill yourself?"

I shook my head, "No, and I don't plan on telling them." I said honestly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why is that?" He said, leaning forward on his side of the desk.

"Well, they don't know I did this, I don't plan on doing it again, and I don't want them freaking out for no reason." I said, simply.

He sighed, as though there were more he wanted to say, but we didn't have time for it. "Okay, we'll pick up with this tomorrow."

I stood up and left. Following the same pattern as yesterday, I went to the room to get Jensen and we went to have dinner with our little group. Afterwards we went straight to the rec room and had a mini chess tournament, which Jensen kicked ass at.

That night when we went back to the room to go to sleep, Jensen was more talkative than yesterday. "So, I know I should, but I don't regret it." I looked at him, confused at first at what he was talking about, but I got it after a second. "I mean, I feel horrible for putting Danni through it, but I really don't regret trying to end my life." He was sitting on his bed, looking down at his hands.

"There isn't a law that says you have to regret it." I said, and he looked up at me. "But don't dwell on that. You have to move past it though. Move passed wanting to do it. What's done is done, you can't change it and regret does nothing, but you can keep yourself from trying again."

He nodded his head, "I guess. I mean, yeah, you're right. It's just hard."

We both laid down, and once again, I couldn't sleep, thoughts about today running through my head.

* * *

><p><em><em>**Okay, so not much happens in this chapter, and I said I was going to make it darker, but I needed to add this little set up to get to that point. Next chapter will have more events and be much darker. **

**I am going to introduce the other couple of characters and have them share at group next chapter as well. It will be filled with a lot. I really just needed to strengthen the friendships a little here, so everything can make sense later.**

**Still, review, and let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy! (: **


	5. Chapter 5

**Jensen's POV**

The third day came, and went. Danneel showed up and we talked about what the next step was after I got out of here. She was supportive about the whole thing, of course and I began feeling a bit better. We spent most of the hour with Gen and Jared. It was strange how fast we got so close, but when we talked it felt like old friends having a conversation and catching up, we even made plans to see each other after this whole psych-ward fiasco.

Sheppard told me that he recommends that I stay here longer, and I completely agreed with him. After our session I went to the room and waited for Jared, just as I had done the previous days. When he got back to the room, he sat on his bed.

"How'd therapy go?" I asked, noticing the change in his usual personality.

"It was fine, I guess," He answered, nodding. "He recommended I stay a few more days."

"Yeah, same here." I replied. "Do you think you're ready to go home?"

He shrugged before laying back. "I don't know. I don't feel like I did before I got here, but I don't know what that means. What about you?" He turned his head to look at me for the first time since he entered the room.

"I think it's best I stay here a few more days. I am feeling better, but I don't know how long that's going to last, so at least for a little while, I would like to be in the right place in case I… relapse I guess."

He seemed to take the words and ponder them for a moment, before his face brightened up to how it usually was, "Yeah. That makes sense. Want to go get dinner?" He asked standing up and I followed him to the cafeteria.

We sat with our new found friends, Logan, Erin, and Jake. We all talked and joked around through dinner, and then afterwards went to the rec room to play some cards. As we were sitting there Jordan, the nurse, came over to our group.

"Mr. Ackles?" She asked looking between Jared and I.

I looked up at her, "Just Jensen." I said.

She nodded her head. "Can I talk to you for a second, Jensen?" She looked very upset, so I stood up right away and followed her just a few feet away from the table we sat at. I glanced back to see the rest of the group watching us with worried eyes. "I don't know how to tell you this," She said, and the pain was evident on her face.

"What's going on?" I asked, starting to get worried.

She stayed quiet for a long time, and when she finally spoke, her voice was quiet and scratchy. "Danneel is your wife, correct?" When I nodded, she closed her eyes for a moment, as if preparing herself. When she opened her eyes again she looked up at me and said, "I am so sorry Jensen, but she was in a car accident, and she passed away."

I felt the numbness take over my body and I reached out for stability, finding nothing when Jared's hand grabbed my arm, holding me up. Jared, Logan, Jake and Erin had all heard what she had said and swarmed in around me. Jared kept me upright as I felt as though I was going to crumble. "She what?" I asked with a breath.

"Jensen, I'm sorry." Tears formed in her eyes as she turned to walk away from us.

Jared led me back to the room, asking the rest of the group to stay back while he talked to me.

I sat on my bed, and continued to try to process that information.

"Jen," Jared said, when I didn't look at him, he said It again.

I finally looked up at him. "She's gone, Jare. What do I do?" Once I said that I finally felt the tears well up in my eyes, as though saying it out loud finally made it real.

He sat down next to me on my bed. "I don't know, Jen. I'm sorry." He said in almost a whisper.

"She's all I've got, and now she's just gone," I said, thinking out loud.

Right then I felt Jared pull me into a hug. I wanted to pull away and just be by myself, but I couldn't bring myself to move, so I let him try and comfort me. "No Jen. You've got me and the rest of us. We're here for you. We'll help you through this."

"There is no 'through this.' This is it; I just lost the most important thing in my life. There is nothing passed this."

**Jared's POV**

I stayed in the room with Jensen until he fell asleep. After he fell asleep I went out to the rec room to talk to Jake, Erin, and Logan to let them know what was going on.

"How is he?" They all said in unison as I approached them, standing up and surrounding me.

"Not good. I'm afraid he's going to do something." I said, glancing back at the direction of our room.

"Well, you can't leave his side, then," Logan said to me, gesturing for me to leave.

I shook my head, "He's asleep right now, but I shouldn't be out here long, in case he wakes up."

"Did he say anything about it?" Erin asked, showing her concern.

"Not really. I tried saying something to help, but there is nothing to say, and the last thing he said was something to the idea that he can't get through this because there's nothing passed this." I answered.

"Death is difficult to deal with; the closer they are to you the harder it becomes," Logan said, his eyes hazy.

"On top of that he's already tried committing suicide once and that was when he had his wife. Now that he doesn't have her…" Jake trailed off, the rest of us already knowing where he was going with that thought. "We just need to be there for him and not allow him to try again."

We all agreed. "He's said that he doesn't really have anybody there for him, so we need to be there for him." I added.

"Okay, well go back to the room and watch over him," Erin said to me.

"Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow, and spend some time with Jensen then," Jake added.

"I don't know if he'll want to leave the room tomorrow," I assumed.

"We can ask the nurses if we can spend some time in your room then. We can't leave him alone," Erin suggested.

"Yeah, they'll most likely allow it," Jake said.

Logan seemed completely out of it. Erin then suggested we all head back to our rooms and tomorrow we would ask the nurses for that. We all conceded.

When I got back to the room Jensen was still asleep in his bed. I was torn between going to sleep so I could have a clear head tomorrow and try and help Jensen through this difficult time, or staying up tonight to make sure he doesn't wake up and do something stupid.

I decided on the latter, setting the alarm on my watch in case I happened to doze off, so I would awake early in case he needed me.

The alarm was a very smart idea, because a few hours of sitting in silence and darkness, my eyes fluttered shut and I dozed off, only to be awoken by the small beeps of my tiny alarm.

I glanced over to see Jensen sitting up slightly in his bed, clearly awake. I stretched, trying to wake myself up, when I heard a few small taps on the door.

A head popped in. "Hey Jen, Hey Jared. You guys want to come have breakfast with us?" Logan asked; eyes and voice filled with the hope that maybe Jensen wouldn't be as bad as we thought.

We both looked at Jensen, awaiting an answer. After a moment that seemed to last forever, Jensen finally raised his gaze to meet Logan's. "I really don't feel like moving, let alone eating."

Logan sighed and allowed the door to open the rest of the way. Jake walked in passed him, Erin following. "We figured you'd feel that way." Jake said, placing a tray on Jensen's bed.

Jen pushed the tray to the side and turned over, facing away from all of us.

"Look, you don't have to eat right now, but we aren't leaving your side, Jensen. So get used to the company right now," Erin said in a stern voice that left everyone feeling like that was the final word on the subject.

Jensen groaned a little, but didn't ask any of us to leave.

We stayed in there all morning, creating small chatter and attempting to include Jensen, but he refrained from socializing. None of us forced it because even if we wanted him to feel better and realize that he can live after this, it was also just one day after his wife and best friend of all of his life just died, so we realized not to expect much from him.

We skipped lunch and the nurses were fine with it, but when it came time for group, someone came to our door.

"I'm sorry, but you all will need to attend this group therapy meeting." She said, looking around the room at all of our faces.

"We really think that being here is more necessary than being there, at the moment," Logan spoke up.

"I didn't ask you what you felt was needed, I'm telling you what is required of you," The nurse said bluntly, upsetting all of us.

"The most important thing right now is not sitting around in a damn circle listening to people tell their stories, not when we have someone here who clearly needs us," I said sharply.

"You can all return right after, but for now you must go." She replied flatly, not giving in. "And you should all be lucky we allowed so many of you to stay in here all day as it is, you shouldn't push your luck." She finished and turned to walk out, waiting by the door for us to exit.

We looked around at each other and all stood up. "I'm not leaving. Unless you want to send someone to come in here and drag me to group, I am staying right here. The last thing I need is to hear about how bad everyone has had it," Jensen mumbled from his bed.

We all looked from Jensen to the nurse, "Fine. Considering your circumstances, you may spend the hour here." She replied and ushered us out of the room.

"Of all the people to leave alone in this institution, you decide to leave the guy who's already tried committing suicide and who just lost his fucking wife, instead of leaving us to watch him and make sure he's okay?" Jake exploded in the nurse's face after she shut the door.

"The language and tone you're using is unnecessary and will not be tolerated here. I suggest you work on that, sir. Besides, this is a secure institution, your friend, Mr. Ackles, will be fine, even if left alone for a short period of time." The nurse said and began to walk away.

"Yeah, because nobody around here, in this _secure institution_, has found a way to self-harm or anything of the sort, that would be _absurd_," Erin sarcastically called out to the nurse, who glanced back at us to glare, but continued walking away. When all of us looked at Erin skeptically, she shook her head. "Come on, we'd better get going."

Throughout group, we were all antsy. Misha had asked about Jensen, and frowned when we told him what had happened and why he wasn't there today. He seemed more upset that he was alone that not in his group, but because of the nurses, there was nothing we could do. Only wait.

And wait, we did. It seemed like it would never end. Group ran late because someone told an extremely long story and we had to be respectful and polite and sit and listen.

Once we were able to leave we rushed out, only for all of us to be stopped by our visitors.

"Hey, handsome," Gen said approaching me.

I closed the gap between us and brought her into a hug. "Gen," I said after a moment, pulling her a way to look at her face. "Something happened."

"What? What's wrong?" She said, worry filling her face.

I led her to a table and sat down. "Danneel died last night. There was a car accident…" I said and saw the tears pool up in her eyes.

She was silent for a minute. "How's Jensen?" She asked.

I shook my head slightly. "He's not doing so good. We've been trying to be with him, but they made us leave the room."

"Us?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah. There are a few of us that are trying to be there for him. Jake, this guy Logan, and this girl, Erin." I explained. "But, Jensen's been left in the room, and I don't want him to be alone right now…"

"I understand. You should go. I'll come by tomorrow to see you." She stood up and I did the same, leaning down to kiss her.

"Love you, Jare."

"Love you too." I said as she left.

I turned to begin to walk back to my room to check on Jensen when I caught sight of Logan sitting on one of the benches, spacing out like he has been for a couple of days now, just out of it, as a tall blonde guy standing very close to him talks to a very flirty Nurse Jordan. I saw Logan shake his head and snap out of his haze only to glare up at Jordan and his friend.

I decided to ask him about how he's doing and what's going on later, and kept walking when I heard Jake's voice, yelling. "You said it would never happen! And then.. You know what, there is a lot going on right now, and the last thing I need to do is sit here and fight with you. Good bye, Carlos." I saw him storm off to the same place I was heading, leaving Carlos close to tears.

'_What is going on around here?'_ I thought to myself, as I made my way to the room. I ran into Jake just yesterday and he said that things were going alright with him and Carlos. He seemed a bit out of it, but I figured it was for the same reason that I was, he just missed his fiancé. And then Logan has been out of it for a couple of days now, making us call his name multiple times before getting his attention. Erin just said something about self-harming not too long ago, and clearly Jensen is in the worse state out of us all.

All of my thoughts flew out of my head when I saw Jake backing out of the room with a look of shock and fear on his face.

"What happened?" I said rushing over to him.

"He… Jen…" He couldn't get out his thought. "He did try… We need the nurses." He finally said, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Go get the nurses," I said, and rushed into the room. I was taken aback by the sight. "Jen," I said, with a gasp. I didn't know what to do.

* * *

><p><strong>A very short chapter, I know,but I needed it to end like this. Next chapter will have more drama and sadness, and all of that good stuff. It will be much longer, but I thought that this was quite enough for this chapter. <strong>

**So, review please! Let me know how you like it, if you like it, even if you don't, go ahead and tell me about it.**

**I am adding in a little bit of back story to the smaller characters here as well, seeing as they are going to have an effect on the main characters and they too are going through a lot there in the psych ward. **

**Well, I hope you're enjoying it, and I'm sorry its taking me so long to update, but review review review. Knowing that anyone is reading this motivates me to actually write and get passed all of the blocks. (: **


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